First cousins marriages..?

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Am against first cousins marriage… And I have reasons for it… Yes… Not a reason but reasons!

Being a thalassemia I know how parents feel helpless when they see getting you pricked, going through several problems, getting several treatments, and still they can’t do anything except for crying and praying for us…. I know how it feels when mom looks at me and inside I start feeling bad for her… I know how it feels when parents blame themselves for giving birth to such kids…

Scientifically it is said that one shouldn’t marry his/her cousin… to be safe from any kind of disease… let’s say thalassemia? Abnormal kids?

I have seen many cases that got married with their cousin and have abnormal kids… or kid have some disability…

It was said that kids get thalassemia if their parents are first cousins… true… I tell you 50% it is true and 50% it is not… I have seen cases where there was no relation between man and woman then also their kid was thalassemic… now what?

Why still people couldn’t correct their mistakes? Why people still marry their son/daughter in their own family or in community? Why people are still so biased?

People need to grow up… to get a life… to correct their mistakes…to focus on different things rather than sitting and talking rubbish about others and self-praising themselves… they seriously need a break now!!!

I have met and I know many people who think if they marry their son/daughter out of family/community then family/community would do their boycott…, when their thinking/mentality going to change?? Never?

Disease thing was one reason… second reason I know and a friend of mine is an example of it…, my friend’s sister got married in family and now those so called relatives are pressurizing my friend’s family to give my friend for their another son and to take their daughter for my friend’s bro… Whoa!!! Cool plan… did you like it? Of course you won’t ever like it… I didn’t like it too and I said to my friend after listening ‘have they bought you all? Go ahead and do something!!’, but then what my friend said made me blank, here is what she said ‘Ayesha, we are helpless… you know its baji’s in-laws… if we do anything she is the one going to suffer… so we can’t do anything except listening to them’

Apart from my friend’s example there are several examples around us who faces such problems… sometimes family pressurize other relatives… sometimes they keep their demands high… sometimes they create mess that even relations get messed up… sometimes they make their ego problem, sometimes they argue on small small things…

This is what we call relative and their relation? He he… Yes!

My comment box is open for your comments/thinking/opinions/compliments/examples/experience go ahead and speak 🙂

But still I wont change my thinking… am still against first cousins marriage : )!!

Take Cares, Allah Hafiz
-ayesha

34 thoughts on “First cousins marriages..?”

  1. there is so much more to a marriage than thalassemia….which btw can be detected with a simple blood test

    of course i am speaking from a different and distant perspective…here the problems parents and men and women intending to tie the knot run into are many and one of them is the lack of knowledge about the ‘other’ family…their compatibility…etc.

    and speaking of blood tests….should not blood test be made mandatory?

  2. I am not against cousin marriages. I know it results in genetic problems but it shows effects “I think” after successive cousin marriages(?).

    When it comes to religion, God clearly specified who can be married (4:23). This certainly does not mean that cousin marriages are “encouraged”

    Socially, you cant just leave society. I know its extremely unfair that one is subjected to all kinds of absurdities when a marriage bond has to be established… BOTH sides have to agree on issues to remove the absurdities or else.. the ‘girl’ side gets the rough part.

  3. I do not agree with your first reason although i am with you on your second argument against cousin marriage. My father and mother are first cousins, my wife and me are first cousins. One of my brother who died young was disable but not due to my first cousin marriage but due to the Gulf war and its black rains. In cousins you know very well about the life style , history of not only your cousin and his/her whole family. You can marry someone carrying AIDS, Sugar, Blood Pressure , Psychological disorders outside family. This is one western propaganda against first cousin marriages that you should discourage it. How can a muslim discourage it when Islam has encouraged it not for the reasons you have mentioned in latter part of your post.

    I agree to most of the later part of your post that one should not marry his/her cousin just because of family pressure or other FAZOOL customs/traditions which are unislamic and highly depreciated in ISLAM.

    Anyhow this is a good topic to start and i hope this will stir the thought process of many who read your blog. 🙂

  4. Your reason # 2 is baseless, it could happen to any where. It does not matter if you marry in family or out side family.

  5. Dear Ayesha,

    Before I begin on your topic, I would like to tell that I am a Muslim (no specific Fiqa but my parents are Sunni). I respect monotheist religions and of course other religions. I don’t disrespect Christians or Jews just because some fanatic Molvi tell me to do so. They are also human beings just like us. By this paragraph, I covered my back before someone calls me Fasid by reading my post.

    Now about the topic, I personally do not like cousin or to be more specific as “inter-family” marriage. It is not a new thing that I have developed. I made this opinion in my early teenage, along with other opinions like I am strongly against Jehaiz (dowry). I pretty damn care at all what religion (Islam) says about it or any religion say about it for that matter and no, of course I am not an atheist (I had already mentioned above). I find these two things too ridiculous to follow as tradition. Since the day I made this decision I am vocal about it and I do not care what others think about me. However, I have a personal opinion that freedom and free-will to chose “right” and “wrong” is a personal decision that is why, I have never forced anyone to follow my opinions. If someone wants to do (inter-family) cousin marriage then I am not against him/her. I believe it’s my own personal decision and I only have to follow it for rest of my life.

    Now about the scientific studies you have mentioned about problems with inter-family marriages. If you read human history (human society’s history for specific) of last 7000 years (10000 years to be specific) without being bias by religion or nation (area) just for pure scientific research then you’ll find some very interesting things (that today we find as we have invented in last few years). As Old Testament says “There is nothing new under the sun”. It is pretty true, nothing is new, human society never changed no matter what religion is ruling the time. Looking at marriage laws of Ancient Egyptians, Ancient Persian and other ancient empires you’ll find their marriage laws were very flexible but very strict too. Currently, we (as a whole world, about 80%) are following Sumerian’s laws (because they passed on to Judaism, then to Christianity, and then to Islam). Just pick up translated Sumerian Laws (easily findable at Wikipedia and Wikisource) and you’ll find that how many laws we are still following blindly after 4000-6000 years.

    Humans have being making laws to control society. Marriage laws are also part of human society. It is easy to understand if both male and female mammals have rouge (bad) genes then their child (product) is most likely to have that rouge genes. We mostly stop reading after these lines. It is also true that if both male and female mammals have good genes then their child will most likely have good genes too. Oh my God! What have I said? 🙂 But it is very true. Pure blood-lines, Royal Family, whatever and however you define it, humans know it and they try to keep good genes with them (along with bad genes). Modern scientific studies have shown us that there are genes that can make us; generous, Viking (worrier), kind, early morning wakeup, late night workers, even there is gene that can make us to do “shopping frenzy”. To find these reports simply search on CNN, BBC, Wikipedia and you’ll be amazed how genes can define us.

    What I am trying to say is that if two male and female mammals have bad genes or good genes then they are going to supply them to their child. God is not going to interfere here because we produce children and we need to care about them. God don’t produce children. He clearly said in Koran that He do not have any son or daughter. Cousins or inter-family or any stranger, the chances are same when a male and female are going to produce a child (they will give genes that they have). Why western countries have less thalassemia (or any other inherited disorders) because usually male and female do routine checkup during pregnancy to eliminate chances of bad fetus. We still go to Data Darbar or Peer Sahib for that matter. Worshiping grave or living person is paganism and Islam doesn’t allow it but let this matter for any other discussion. Therefore, cousins or not, it is not going to protect against inheriting genetic disorders unless we do regular clinic checkup during pregnancy.

    If you have notice, I don’t call thalassemia as a disease or any other genetic disorder for that matter. I know that thalassemia is more expensive than others but don’t let it you down. I, myself have a genetic disorder (migraine) and its simply part of my life. People have many genetic disorders that don’t appear before 40 or even 60 years of life (like Alzheimer). If you ever count people around you in one day then you’ll find that 70% people have IQ lower than 80. It’s also genetic. Oh heaven, these 80 IQ people are basis of 95% problems and they are proud being stupid. God save us from them. Why anyone thinks that if they have diabetes, thalassemia, migraine, Alzheimer or any other genetic disorder then it is due to their parents marriage. I call it production of sheer luck. In current time of 2008, when people tend to live more than 60 years (human beings have genetic life of at most 30 years) with the help of medicines and hygiene then these small things shouldn’t be matter to us. I know an English software programmer who daily injects himself with insulin since his childhood and he live a normal healthy happy life with his children, whereas, with diabetes, we Pakistani create an issue of depression for rest of our life and lives of other people near us.

    Now let’s see the social effects of inter-family (cousin) marriages. First of all, I was blessed with parents that they don’t try to enforce themselves on me (most of time). They let me make my own decisions about traditions. I am one of those guys (will be burn in hell) who don’t think their parents are perfect. I believe my parents were normal human beings, and they were as imperfect as any human can be. Oh, I am surely going to hell 🙂 I have tried to study the social problems of Pakistani families. Believe it or not, most of problems are created by Pakistani males. Young Pakistani males are pampered by their parents. Moreover, due to nucleolus family system, if a young man makes a stupid decision to marry a girl (which he likes usually due to lust) then his parents are going to blindly (knowingly) follow and purse girl’s family to marry that girl to their son. That is purely stupid. Within few months that lust will go away and all sorts of social problems will start, whether she is his cousin or any other girl. Cousins are easy target because these stupid (low IQ) males can easily mangle with them.

    Males have a big role in keeping marriage life happier. Prophet Muhammad clearly said do not try to bend wife (woman), it means males should try to bend themselves rather than forcing their wives. Why can’t we (males) can think that our mothers are stupid enough as anybody else and following her orders is not necessary for a happy life (let alone happy marriage). I am not going to care what religion says about it. After son’s (daughter’s) marriage, the mother of bridegroom (bride) should shut-up and go live with his husband (or late husband). Oh, I am so going to hell for this 🙂

    Have you seen “Hum App Ke Hain Kon”? Who hasn’t? Almost every person of middle class of this generation of Pakistan had seen that movie. Almost all love that movie. I simply do not like the plot of that movie and I loudly tell everybody. I was born with some “bug” (computer programming bug) in my brain (my brain’s wires are short-circuited). Like all other Pakistanis of that time, I was also watching that movie on VCR. When during the movie the story develops and the “elders” decide to marry bride to his sister-in-law, I protested vocally during the movie “What the hell is going on? Why these stupid elders are making such stupid decision?” After the movie ends, I said similar like “What a stupid end, the brother of bridegroom marries the sister of bride, that shows our society’s thinking. How more low can we go?” All eyes around me were wide and staring at me with astonishing unbelieving (I was at the tender age of teenage).

    Believe it or not, movies, books, TV dramas are mirror of society’s thinking. Girls and boys should understand this and educate themselves to have a happy social life (hell with society and traditions). When family is forcing to marry some idiot then take a firm stand (the children of idiot will be idiot too due to genes). Let the Darwin’s Theory about Natural Selection come into action.

    I believe not to marry anybody in family (let alone first cousin or second cousin). They are family and relatives. Relatives are supposed to gather on Eid or other occasions and have fun. If we start marring between relatives then whenever relatives will gather they will be divided in groups and will be sad for their rest of their life. That is why our nucleus family system suffers but nucleus family system of Italy, Spain and other European countries does not suffer such things. Oh my God, do you people believe the Pakistani people usually say that “Western Society” has no marriage system and have no family system and have no relatives. How so wrong are we? Families in Italy and Spain are much larger than our “Bradary”. It is common for family and relatives of 30, 40 or even 100+ to gather around on Christmas and have happy time with their relatives. Try to remember any Eid when our small group of relatives gathers on Eid without any social problems due to inter-family marriages. It never happened. Due to inter-family marriages, some family is always absent or trying not to visit if other rival family is present. In Italy or Spain the families do not have inter-family marriages, due to their religion, (very rare cases when they marry in family) that is why they don’t have inter-family marriage problems (but of course there can be other social problems).

    I hope that I have made my point about cousins (inter-family) marriages. It doesn’t create much scientific problems but it does create social problems. No matter what anybody say to defend it “Religion allow it” or “I know her from my childhood”, these all are lame excuses of 2000 B.C. People, its 2008, wake up and make your own decisions and do not follow what society “feeds” you to your brain. I believe if anybody can make change then they are the young males of Pakistani families because Pakistani families are scared (due to dependency) of males. But it’s never going to happen. Lust will always win and young males have plenty of lust due to testosterone hormones. Whether its 6000 B.C. in Ancient Egyptian or 2008 A.D. in Pakistan the society remains same, we may be achieved many things in science but we are unable to move an inch in social life. Yet, no religion is able achieve high values of social life, there are only claims and forced “Yes” but people still suffer as they do in early ages of human society. It’s only humans that make a better society (with their character) or a society like hell (like we currently have).

    I am an optimist but our social problems (particularly marriage problems) will remain with us, maybe few individuals able to get happy life but society at large will be as sad as ever.

    In the end, I shall quote something very thoughtful:
    “Sad people remain sad while happy people remain happy no matter what. There was scientific study that showed if a happy person looses his leg or a sad person wins a lottery of million dollars, after at maximum of six months that happy person will be happy in that wheelchair while that sad person will be sad in his new Cadillac.” – (Before Sunset). Note that I have edited this quote to more PG version.

    Allah Hafiz,
    Farhan.


  6. In cousins you know very well about the life style , history of not only your cousin

    yeh tu masla bhe hosakta hay Mohib Saab. Key Cousin ko maazi k tamam kartoot mana ho aur shadi se Inkar karday:D

  7. Ayesha , that was beautiful , It almost made me Cry. I am against First Cousin Marriage my self.
    My mom and Dad both are first Cousins , I am very Thankful to Allah that me and my sister are normal , but I have my Chacha and Chachi , they are also First Cousins who got married. My Cousin , when ever I look at her I feel bad because she can not talk like us , walk like us , do the things we do , she is just lost in her own little world and it hurts to see her like that. I think in todays world , we are more educated then our parents were , we learn from media , we have internet , we go to school , we learn from others mistakes , and I think we should implement on what we have learned from these things and not repeat the same mistakes in our life. Our Kids don’t deserve to be made fun of , not have friends , not to go to school and live normal lives..we need to act smart and prevent these things from happening.
    If you think its Important to have First Cousin Marriage or If its a Love Marriage in the same case , I think one can adopt a Child maybe and give a home to an orphan ? Maybe Help one in his or her life and take their blessings , rather then have their own abnormal child.
    Thats all I would like to say and Ayesha Once again , what you wrote was a master peice. I really enjoyed reading it.

    God Bless You.

    Reguards,

    Irfan

  8. Temporal: very true… Thalassemia can be detected via a simple blood test, but what about disability? Or abnormality? Is there any test for it? no.., but for thalassemia yes blood test should be made mandatory, someone somewhere wrote a line about it.. I would like to repeat ‘no test no nikkah’ this constitution should be made!!!

    PostMan: very true… girl’s part get the not only rough… roughest part!, dowry, demands… is the problems girl’s parents face and will be facing in the future if they just didn’t change their thinking’s..!

    Qadeer Ahmed: jaise sab parhte hain waise hi parhen :p

    Mohib Alvi: great to read your experience and I pray that you never ever face any kind of problem in your married life *amen*, as far as you said that its good to marry within family because this way you know the girl/boy very well, I agree… but you can take time and know someone from outside family too… this is just your experience that you haven’t faced any problem but mostly people end up arguing with the same cousin that ‘before marriage you were different, how come so change? You were not like this before, what has happened to you?’ such problems do come… anyhow, thanks for liking the topic : )!

    Obi Wan Kenobi: I agree it can happen anywhere… but it mostly happens in cousins marriages…

    Farhan: my post was my personal thought and kind of personal decision, I don’t want that people start following me or anything; I just want to give people a moment of thought about this thing, maybe because I have seen cases? Maybe because I am an example of first cousins marriage? I am personally very dumb to know human history… I know my history and I think its enough to know hehehe…, am totally impressed by your research no doubt… and I will read about history and genes soon : ), thanks for sharing…

    I agree with you on regular routine checkup, but few years ago parents didn’t have time/money for it… my own mother is an example of it… that my father didn’t took proper care of her, she was alone in every delivery of hers… and at that time there were not much knowledge and had money crisis.. still money crisis exist and lack of knowledge exist, there are mothers who get to know that they are pregnant she starts taking care of her diet and getting excited… but who cares what child is carrying?

    If you are calling me a depress soul because I mentioned thalassemia and all then let me tell you that thalassemia for me is a piece of cake now…, but it is not easy for the one can not afford treatment, who still think their kids would die before teens… I have to open such parent’s eyes to tell them that me and my brother are the examples of thalassemia… both of us exists on the same earth and we are living a great life…, am not depressed… but sometimes when you think about future and few other things then you definitely get sad…

    In the end, thanks a lot for your time and comment : ) its means a lot…

    Adnan: ahahaha! Yeh mohib sahib ko samjhana hai naaa ;p like I know many secrets of my cousins… and its dangerous to leak them out…. Ya to shadi se inkaar hoga, ya shadi ke baad blackmail ;p hehehe dono tarah se ghalat hai…

    Irfan: Thanks for liking… and sharing your experience… my mother has told us that ‘one who suffer is the one who knows the real pain’ no one else can see/feel the pain of the sufferer…, here I can feel your pain… pray for your cousin and thank Allah that you and your sister are healthy and fine…

  9. i believe everything happens for a reason , our creation, our marriages, our ailments, our well being … everything

    as far as cousin marriages go, its a concern for those who are aware of genetically transferred characteristics

    as far those who know nothing , ignorance is a blessing

    Ayesha’s rite when she’s expressing her concern ovr the issue , she knows what the consequences might be if ALLAH forgive things go wrong ..

    thumbs up tp ayesha for standing out for what she thinks is rite

    Humayun Shahid

  10. Well Ayesha, I am now alhamdulillah happily married to my cousin brother. Nope, nobody forced me to, I am and was actually in love with him. I dont have kids till now but inshallah They will be fine without any abnormalities, Ameen,

    Frankly speaking, I am against these kind of marraiges too.

  11. That is true. First cousin marriages should be discouraged. My family had been having eye sight problems so my father has married me n my sister out of family. There is a family in neighbour that is having deaf n dumb children and still arranging marriages in family. That is really a serious issue n needs to be anticipated. I also have something to share n thought over:

    http://www.chowrangi.com/what-should-be-done.html

  12. Well. Ayesha I think you are right to some extent but have to bit more expand vision about this. You are against cousin-marriages because of what social aspects you described; but that is very limited vision covering only negative aspects about it.

    1st, its not first-cousin marriages to be blamed for disorders, because we know clearly that its the thalassemia trait responsible for the disease and not just relations. Yes its true that inter-family marriages mostly have the disorders, but again its the trait to be scanned for and not relations. You also talked about people who are not relatives but still give birth to thalassemic child. Now what would you apply here? if that is the reason for you to no-cousin marriage then I give the same reason for no-outside marriage. See, the thing is you have to bring awareness in the society and eloquently propound blood testing for genetic orders before any matrimonial whether inside or outside the family.

    2nd , now I’ll come to social behavior of those blood relatives you described and I agree that most of us “larkay walay” reflex that attitude. But see, its “negativity” of our social culture and “mind set” of our people, not just cousin-marriages. As you mentioned your friend’s sister example of being pushed to marry their other members, I say that its the negative and “Deviant behaviour” of that family she is married to and not just because of cousin-marriage. I swear that such kind of people who do not fear Allah and blackmail bride’s family will “definitely” do that to ANYONE, irrespective they are blood-relatives or not. I swear those people would have pressurized girl’s family even if she wasnt their blood relative. We have examples here … its not the inter-family marriages but the cruel and negative mentality toward “women” that allows our people of that pathetic thinking “larki wale to larki wale hain, dehan se chalna parega nahi to larki ghar bhijwa denge” .. we have that kind of attitude toward women. Its not inter-family marriages to be blamed for; its attitude,behavior and psychi of looking down upon women, that must be changed. Because such people (and most of us really) have same kind of behaviour with “larki walay” even if they marry outside the family.

    I have my first cousins married with each other and I cant tell you how happy they are while the same time I also have other cousin in the family who have that kind of aversive behaviour you shed light upon.

    So i conclude that:

    One, its the thalassemia trait responsible for disorder, though in a family there are usually more carriers but still its the trait responsible for it and not cousin-marriages. Its solution–blood check up.

    Two, its the negative mind set and deviant social behavior that makes people to force “larki walay” and not just first-cousin marriages. Families with literate and logical minds do not show such pathetic attitude either to inside or outside marriages. Whereas families with illiterate,illogical, backward traditional beliefs tend to look down upon “larki walay” whether or not they are blood relatives.

    So education, awareness, fear of Allah and elimination of such stigmas from our society will lead to destruction of this anti-woman behaviour and I promise, whether it be first-cousins or strangers, no such cruelty for “larki walay” will be there.

  13. Out of the comments the last one of “Waleed” is the more thoughtful one.
    I have, like you all many examples of successful as well unsuccessful marriages in the first cousins.(I am over 70) Disease process that can be detected is a different topic altogether (and as a neurologist have alot of experience on that subject but am not going to talk about it except to say that in addition to a gene, there are many other factors involved, like expressivity, envioronmental influence etc.–as I said that is actually a scientific topic separate)
    Like Waleed says it is not the cousin marriage but the attitudes of the family and fear of Allah which governs the outcome. I would like you all to see the meanings and Tafseer of the most commonly recited aya during wedding khutba, the first aya of 4th sura (Nisa) and you will see my point. When I perform Nikah I make it a point to explain the meanings of that aya. One must not forget that “Allah is ever watching over you”
    Yes Islam does not ‘encourage’ but ‘allows’ first cousin marriages for several good reasons which were not talked about by most commentators.
    My daughter also spells her name as “Ayesha” (which actually is my and my wife’s doing)
    Allah hafiz baitee

  14. Dont have much to say but the only thing is that mostly we are still in the same black age we were at the time and before the arrival of our Loving PROPHET MUHAMMAD(SAW). The selfmade values are becoming more important for us than the Teaching and the practice of MUHAMMAD(SAW).

  15. Ayesha,I completely agree with you. Apart from thalassemia, haemophelia is also another infamous disease spread through inter-marriage.
    This was a common feature among the Egyptian and Russian royal families in the olden days, and today, sadly everbody seems to be doing it from the Parsi community to Muslims and specefic regions-(like Gujuratis only marry gujuratis) !!

  16. Waleed and Dr Wahaj Ahmad (BSC) have dealt with it in detail, and I agree with their analysis.

    I started research on this topic, perhaps, much before you were born, that is, early 1960s when my parents thought of getting me tied to some girl of their choice, my maternal cousin (Khala ki Baytee) because my own elder sister, a doctor opposed marriage with cousin. I did not buy the idea because, if that was so, Allah should have warned His believers about that.

    I only want you to consider my case, an then I will tell you a basic reason that resulted in the “No Cousin Marriage” theory.
    My paternal grand-mother (Dadi Jan) was real sister of my maternal grand-father (Nana Jan).
    That means, my father and mother were first cousins.
    My wife is daughter of real sister of my mother, that is, my wife is my first cousin.
    Also, my maternal grand-father and maternal grand-mother are also maternal grand-father and maternal grand-mother of my wife.

    I have masha Allah two sons and a daughter and all of them, masha Allah, are healthy and intelligent. May be you know my eldest son, Zakaria (of Zackvision.com).

    In the old times, Christians some how had in their faith that cousins are like brothers and sister and, thus, marriage can not take place between them. Later, marriages among cousins started taking place. During early 20th century, while researching on causes of children’s body malfunction or discrepancy, prohibition of marriage between cousins was taken as basis. Obviously the result had to be against cousin marriage.

  17. hi ayesha i really like ur views and i completely comprehend ur situation. But u need to pen up ur mind ayesha coz dis ca happen to ny1 ny where, ayesha i am from sikh family completely kattar family and i am in love wth my first cousin and i knw dis gonna be huge mess wen it comes to my family traditions coz i knw dey definitley not gonna accept it.But i knw i can never ever gonna get man like dat coz he loves me alot and cares me alot.and u knw wat he dnt even wnt a child he alrady sed me dat we can adopt a child or even nothn….i dnt care wat next in my future coz i knw wateva happens i am responsible for dis but as far as my marraige goes i knw m gonna marry dis man only and ayesha dnt worry evrythn gonna be alrite u have support of all

    and plspls pls dnt hate dese type of marriages coz it can happen to ny1. ny time u arer not da victim of it..

    bye baby
    take care

  18. Assalamualaikum Ayesha, i hope you are really well.. your views about Inter Family Marriages (IFM) are quite intriguing especially from the medical perspective, m really sorry about you being a thalassemic and as a physiologist i know what is this disease actually, and what kind of things one would have to go under in these circumstances… i think brother Farhan is right about these genetically inherited diseases but there is quite a lot of difference between thalassemia and migraine brother, thalassemia is something which can take your life if you are a beta thalassemic patient in this case is is not a part of your life..
    And Ayesha there is one thing more from medical point of view… it is not mandatory that you can only catch inherited diseases by marriages between cousins.. there are chances, if not equal, that these diseases can be transmitted from a mother who is from outside the family.. this happens too…
    Also, i do feel that IFM can produce negative or bad or undesirable effects on the relationships… it is commonly seen that people who get married in families do not fully understand the NEW relationships after marriages and expect old ones to persist in the family. this reults in mutual envy, animosity and other negative behaviours… if two people are getting married in a family, they should know that upto some extent the old relationships of KHALA, PHUPPO,MAAMI and etc are over and everybody now expects a new kind of relations and respects from the couple… which is not always perceived.
    One more point, inter family marriages, in a sense, show conservatism and narrow mindedness of people, because some people mostly from tribes or clans, think, marriages between cousins as an obligation and some girls from these tribes or clans remain unmarried for the rest of their lives if their parents could not find a suitable male from the brotherhood.
    That is all i guess…. i hope you sincerely get completely cured and healthy and spend the rest of your life with YOUR beliefs and YOUR ideas…. TAKE CARE ALLAH HAFIZ

  19. Assalamualaikum Ayesha, i hope you are really well.. your views about Inter Family Marriages (IFM) are quite intriguing especially from the medical perspective, m really sorry about you being a thalassemic and as a physiologist i know what is this disease actually, and what kind of things one would have to go under in these circumstances… i think brother Farhan is right about these genetically inherited diseases but there is quite a lot of difference between thalassemia and migraine brother, thalassemia is something which can take your life if you are a beta thalassemic patient in this case is is not a part of your life..
    And Ayesha there is one thing more from medical point of view… it is not mandatory that you can only catch inherited diseases by marriages between cousins.. there are chances, if not equal, that these diseases can be transmitted from a mother who is from outside the family.. this happens too…
    Also, i do feel that IFM can produce negative or bad or undesirable effects on the relationships… it is commonly seen that people who get married in families do not fully understand the NEW relationships after marriages and expect old ones to persist in the family. this reults in mutual envy, animosity and other negative behaviours… if two people are getting married in a family, they should know that upto some extent the old relationships of KHALA, PHUPPO,MAAMI and etc are over and everybody now expects a new kind of relations and respects from the couple… which is not always perceived.
    One more point, inter family marriages, in a sense, show conservatism and narrow mindedness of people, because some people mostly from tribes or clans, think, marriages between cousins as an obligation and some girls from these tribes or clans remain unmarried for the rest of their lives if their parents could not find a suitable male from the brotherhood.
    That is all i guess…. i sincerely hope that you get completely cured and healthy and spend the rest of your life with YOUR beliefs and YOUR ideas…. TAKE CARE ALLAH HAFIZ N…. HAVE PEACE 🙂

  20. اسلام علیکم:

    I search about cousin marriage over the internet and then i am here on your Blog.. Anyway, i listen on TV about this thalassemia problem. The Doctor on the TV was saying about any test, what one of the cousins should have. After the test it will be confirmed that if they will face thalassemia problem in future or not.. Can you please guide me about that.. I’ll be very thankful to you dear sis..

    اللہ حافظ

  21. What if only one of two cousins have the problem or that type of blood what we are talking about… i mean is it a problem if and only if both of the cousins have that problem or just one of them is enough to creat trouble?

  22. if one cousin is minor and other is not then its not a problem, if two cousins are minor then they marries each other then they have 25% chance of giving birth to thalassemia major.

    then at every pregnancy they would have to go through a test to check their kid carries the gene or not.

    I hope i was clear 🙂

  23. i have planed to marry my cousin sister. i don’t know any thing what i want to do please tell me can that marriage completely prohibited

  24. who said marrying cousin is prohibited? it is not.. just go through necessary tests and you are done 🙂 you can marry your cousin, tests are just to save your next generation from diseases.

  25. Respected Ayesha. Kindly tell where to get those necessary tests done from? we are residents of Lahore. My one brothers son n other brothers daughter may tie a knot if the results came out well. Hopefully. May ALLAH guide us through all. ameen. Stay Blessed
    ennnzeee2hotmail.com

  26. Log apni anaaa ka masla bna laite h k hum ne shadi krni h to siraf apne khandan me bher k log unhe zehr lagtay h isliye Allah ne ye bemari rakhi

  27. I am still not eligible for marriage, But I have already told my Mom that I will never marry my cousin, I know she is planning to arrange my marriage with one of my cousin 🙁 , But I have told them that it is never gonna happen, I will never marry my cousin, 😀
    Aagay Allah khair karay

  28. Me and my cousin love each other so much & we are engaged. but the problem is my fiancee’s sister is thelessemic. Now what should i do?

  29. is she thalassemia major? if yes then please you & your fiancee should get tested for thalassemia, if you both are not thalassemia minor then it’s okay to get married..

    If one is minor and one normal then also you can get married 🙂

  30. Birth defects in Cousin marriages are uncommon but lower IQ in Childrens of the Cousins parent is quite common higher than 50% and you will be surprised by reading that number of divorces in Cousin marriages and outside marriage are approximately common and I have witnessed several cases in my own surroundings i.e lower IQ , divorces in cousin marriage etc
    I know it is allowed in Islam and you can do it but as precaution you should avoid it
    Thank God my Parents and Grand Parents are not cousins

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